2263 Total Quotes

Short Quotes

Marilyn Monroe
It's not true I had nothing on, I had the radio on.
Marilyn Monroe Permalink
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Winston Churchill
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
Winston Churchill Permalink
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Mark Twain
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain Permalink
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Jay Leno
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
Jay Leno Permalink
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When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
Will Rogers Permalink
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Albert Einstein
The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
Albert Einstein Permalink
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Erma Bombeck
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Erma Bombeck Permalink
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Oscar Wilde
I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.
Oscar Wilde Permalink
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Bertrand Russell
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Bertrand Russell Permalink
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Winston Churchill
If you are going through hell, keep going.
Winston Churchill Permalink
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When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded
Stephen Wright Permalink
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Emo Philips
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Emo Philips Permalink
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 Voltaire
Prejudices are what fools use for reason.
Voltaire Permalink
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Dave Barry
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
Dave Barry Permalink
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The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
Justine Vogt Permalink
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Oscar Wilde
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go
Oscar Wilde Permalink
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Albert Einstein
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Albert Einstein Permalink
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Winston Churchill
The best argument against democracy is a five minute conversation with the average voter.
Winston Churchill Permalink
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Sex isn't the answer. Sex is the question, yes is the answer.
AJ McLean Permalink
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Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Peter Vries Permalink
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Mae West
Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Mae West Permalink
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Sam Levenson
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Sam Levenson Permalink
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Stephen Wright Permalink
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Steve Martin
Boy, those French: They have a different word for everything!
Steve Martin Permalink
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George Carlin
Atheism is a non-prophet organization
George Carlin Permalink
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George Burns
Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
George Burns Permalink
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George Burns
I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.
George Burns Permalink
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Chris Rock
I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot......
Chris Rock Permalink
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The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.
Will Rogers Permalink
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Steve Martin
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
Steve Martin Permalink
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