151 Total Quotes

W.+C. Fields Quotes

W. C. Fields
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. Fields Permalink
#Funny #American Comedian #Quote of the Day

W. C. Fields
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. Fields Permalink
#Funny #American Comedian

W. C. Fields
Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
W. C. Fields Permalink
#Funny #American Comedian

W. C. Fields
Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
W. C. Fields Permalink
#Funny #American Comedian

W. C. Fields
I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. Fields Permalink
#Alcohol And Alcoholism #Habit

W. C. Fields
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
W. C. Fields Permalink
#Abstinence #Food

W. C. Fields
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. Fields Permalink
#Funny #American Comedian

W. C. Fields
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
W. C. Fields Permalink
#Funny #American Comedian #Quote of the Day

W. C. Fields
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
W. C. Fields Permalink
#Funny #American Comedian

W. C. Fields
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. Fields Permalink
#Afghanistan

W. C. Fields
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
W. C. Fields Permalink
#Life #Cities And City Life #Philadelphia

W. C. Fields
Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
W. C. Fields Permalink
#Funny #American Comedian

W. C. Fields
On the whole I would rather be in Philadelphia.
W. C. Fields Permalink
#Philadelphia

W. C. Fields
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. Fields Permalink
#Funny #American Comedian

W. C. Fields
I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.
W. C. Fields Permalink
#Funny