150 Total Quotes

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

Rodney Dangerfield
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
Rodney Dangerfield
#Funny #American Comedian

Rodney Dangerfield
I'm so ugly - I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get
Rodney Dangerfield
#People

Rodney Dangerfield
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
Rodney Dangerfield
#Funny #American Comedian

Rodney Dangerfield
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
Rodney Dangerfield
#Funny #American Comedian

Rodney Dangerfield
I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.
Rodney Dangerfield
#Funny #American Comedian #Cigarette

Rodney Dangerfield
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
Rodney Dangerfield
#Funny #American Comedian

Rodney Dangerfield
I was so poor growing up - if I wasn't a boy - I'd have had nothing to play with
Rodney Dangerfield
#Funny

Rodney Dangerfield
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
Rodney Dangerfield
#Funny #American Comedian

Rodney Dangerfield
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
Rodney Dangerfield
#Funny #American Comedian #Hope

Rodney Dangerfield
One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control
Rodney Dangerfield
#Birth

Rodney Dangerfield
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
#Funny #American Comedian

Rodney Dangerfield
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield
#Funny #American Comedian

Rodney Dangerfield
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
Rodney Dangerfield
#Funny #American Comedian

Rodney Dangerfield
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
Rodney Dangerfield
#Funny #American Comedian

Rodney Dangerfield
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
Rodney Dangerfield
#American Comedian #Funny

Rodney Dangerfield
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
Rodney Dangerfield
#American Comedian