92 Total Quotes

Rita Rudner Quotes Page 2

Rita Rudner
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
Rita Rudner
#American Comedian #Funny

Rita Rudner
Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
Rita Rudner
#Funny #American Comedian #Quote of the Day

Rita Rudner
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
Rita Rudner
#American Comedian #Funny #Hollywood

Rita Rudner
A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.
Rita Rudner
#American Comedian #Funny #Country

Rita Rudner
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
Rita Rudner
#American Comedian #Funny

Rita Rudner
Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
Rita Rudner
#American Comedian #Funny

Rita Rudner
Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
Rita Rudner
#American Comedian #Funny

Rita Rudner
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
Rita Rudner
#American Comedian #Funny

Rita Rudner
The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him.
Rita Rudner
#American Comedian #Funny

Rita Rudner
Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
Rita Rudner
#American Comedian #Funny

Rita Rudner
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
Rita Rudner
#American Comedian #Funny

Rita Rudner
To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior
Rita Rudner
#Men

Rita Rudner
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
Rita Rudner
#American Comedian #Funny

Rita Rudner
My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
Rita Rudner
#American Comedian #Funny