134 Total Quotes

P.+J. O'Rourke Quotes

P. J. O'Rourke
Earnestness is stupidity sent to college.
P. J. O'Rourke Permalink
#Funny #American Comedian #College

P. J. O'Rourke
You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.
P. J. O'Rourke Permalink
#Children

P. J. O'Rourke
The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.
P. J. O'Rourke Permalink
#Funny #American Comedian

P. J. O'Rourke
Social Security is a government program with a constituency made up of the old, the near old and those who hope or fear to grow old. After 215 years of trying, we have finally discovered a special interest that includes 100 percent of the population. Now we can vote ourselves rich.
P. J. O'Rourke Permalink
#Government #Welfare

P. J. O'Rourke
Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.
P. J. O'Rourke Permalink
#Funny #American Comedian #Divorce #Quote of the Day

P. J. O'Rourke
No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
P. J. O'Rourke Permalink
#Alcohol And Alcoholism

P. J. O'Rourke
One of the annoying things about believing in free will and individual responsibility is the difficulty of finding somebody to blame your problems on. And when you do find somebody, it's remarkable how often his picture turns up on your driver's license.
P. J. O'Rourke Permalink
#Free Will

P. J. O'Rourke
Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us.
P. J. O'Rourke Permalink
#Funny #American Comedian #Democracy

P. J. O'Rourke
Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.
P. J. O'Rourke Permalink
#Religious #Christianity

P. J. O'Rourke
You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money.
P. J. O'Rourke Permalink
#Poverty And The Poor #Generosity

P. J. O'Rourke
With Epcot Center the Disney corporation has accomplished something I didn't think possible in today's world. They have created a land of make-believe that's worse than regular life.
P. J. O'Rourke Permalink
#Disney

P. J. O'Rourke
The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.
P. J. O'Rourke Permalink
#Funny #American Comedian #Democracy

P. J. O'Rourke
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
P. J. O'Rourke Permalink
#Government #Boys

P. J. O'Rourke
Children from the age of five to ten should watch more television. Television depicts adults as rotten SOB's, given to fistfights, gunplay, and other mayhem. Kids who believe this about grownups aren't likely to argue about bedtime.
P. J. O'Rourke Permalink
#Age And Aging

P. J. O'Rourke
The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.
P. J. O'Rourke Permalink
#Funny #American Comedian