15 Total Quotes

Lewis Black Quotes

And I know this happens because I took economics, and I'd explain it to yea' - but I flunked that course. Not my fault. They taught it at 8 o'clock in the morning. And there is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bloodshot eye.
Lewis Black
#Economy

I'm just so looking forward to seeing Dick Cheney because it's like the sighting of a rare white elk when he shows up. And I don't even think it's Dick Cheney anymore. We see him so rarely ... that I think he may be my old shop teacher.
Lewis Black
#Dick Cheney

A republican stands up in congress and says 'I GOT A REALLY BAD IDEA!!' and the democrat stands up after him and says 'AND I CAN MAKE IT SHITTIER!!'
Lewis Black
#Congress

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.
Lewis Black
#Funny #American Comedian

Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas.
Lewis Black
#American Comedian #Funny #Democrats

“It’s absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we’ve got rockets, we’ve got saran wrap – FIX IT!!!”
Lewis Black
#Men

If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat.
Lewis Black
#Ego

These ballot initiatives remind us that America is the land where people are free to dream whatever they want, so long as that dream doesn't make Midwesterners feel icky!
Lewis Black
#America

If the people of New Zealand want to be part of our world, I believe they should hop off their islands, and push 'em closer.
Lewis Black
#People

Fantasy football is out of control,
Lewis Black
#Control

If you listen to a song and get an image in your head, and then you go home and watch mtv and the image they're showing is the same as the one in your head, kill yourself. You're better off coming back as a lobster.
Lewis Black
#Home

When from behind me, a young woman of 25 uttered the following, it was the dumbest thing I have ever heard in my life until Dan Quayle was elected Vice President of the United States. She said, "if it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college."
Lewis Black
#Woman