56 Total Quotes

Johnny Carson Quotes

Johnny Carson
I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.
Johnny Carson
#Funny #American Comedian

Johnny Carson
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
Johnny Carson
#Funny #American Comedian #Death

Johnny Carson
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
Johnny Carson
#Funny #American Comedian

Johnny Carson
New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.
Johnny Carson
#Funny #American Comedian

Johnny Carson
The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money
Johnny Carson
#Divorce

Johnny Carson
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
Johnny Carson
#Funny #American Comedian #Christmas

Johnny Carson
Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
Johnny Carson
#American Comedian #Democracy #Funny

Johnny Carson
When turkeys mate they think of swans.
Johnny Carson
#Funny #American Comedian

Johnny Carson
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
Johnny Carson
#American Comedian #Funny

Johnny Carson
The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
Johnny Carson
#Birthday

Johnny Carson
If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Johnny Carson
#American Comedian #Funny

Johnny Carson
The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money
Johnny Carson
#Freedom

Johnny Carson
People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
Johnny Carson
#American Comedian #Funny

Johnny Carson
Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
Johnny Carson
#American Comedian #Funny

Johnny Carson
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Johnny Carson
#American Comedian #Funny