105 Total Quotes

Joan Rivers Quotes

Joan Rivers
My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.
Joan Rivers
#Children #Letters

Joan Rivers
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
Joan Rivers
#Funny #American Comedian #Birth

Joan Rivers
The last time I appeared in Las Vegas, they were wearing hoop skirts and Davy Crockett hats, ... But they say 'What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.' And as far as fashion is concerned, that's a good thing.
Joan Rivers
#Las Vegas

Joan Rivers
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
Joan Rivers
#Funny #American Comedian

Joan Rivers
Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
Joan Rivers
#Funny #American Comedian

Joan Rivers
Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
Joan Rivers
#Funny #American Comedian

Joan Rivers
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present.
Joan Rivers
#Funny #American Comedian #Gifts

Joan Rivers
Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief, and, most of all, fear
Joan Rivers
#Anger

Joan Rivers
What a pathetic turn, ... Somebody ought to take that dress away from her. It's got Ronald McDonald's name on it.
Joan Rivers
#Dress

Joan Rivers
Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.
Joan Rivers
#Funny #American Comedian #England

Joan Rivers
There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
Joan Rivers
#Funny #American Comedian

Joan Rivers
a good actress with real pathos.
Joan Rivers
#Actress

Joan Rivers
How could she not be happy? She was tall, thin, gorgeous and rich, rich, rich, with a husband who didn't want to sleep with her, two normal children and she had a crown.
Joan Rivers
#Gorgeous

Joan Rivers
Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
Joan Rivers
#American Comedian #Funny #Chinese

Joan Rivers
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.
Joan Rivers
#Funny #American Comedian #Quote of the Day