75 Total Quotes

Jimmy Fallon Quotes

When I see professional clowns, mimes, or people who makes ballon animals, I think of their relatives and how disappointed they must be.
Jimmy Fallon Permalink
#Funny #American Comedian #Animals

Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model.
Jimmy Fallon Permalink
#Funny #American Comedian #Cancer

Arnold Schwarzenegger's publicist told USA Today that the actor has not ruled out running for governor of California, saying that he will make a decision soon. Reportedly Arnold needs that time to learn how to pronounce "gubernatorial."
Jimmy Fallon Permalink
#Funny #American Comedian

[Worst of all, the team appeared in] The Bad News Bears in Breaking Training, ... Let them play! Let them play!
Jimmy Fallon Permalink
#News

Sometimes I wish I had a terrible childhood, so that at least I´d have an excuse.
Jimmy Fallon Permalink
#Childhood

Don't Keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason
Jimmy Fallon Permalink
#Reason

Hey baby, do you like fine cooking? Cause you know what? I got Swanson's Dinner in the freezer with your name on it.""
Jimmy Fallon Permalink
#Cooking

New Scientist magazine reported that in the future, cars could be powered by hazelnuts. That's encouraging, considering an eight-ounce jar of hazelnuts costs about nine dollars. Yeah, I've got an idea for a car that runs on bald eagle heads and Faberge eggs.
Jimmy Fallon Permalink
#Future

Researches tested a new form of medical marijuana that treats pain but doesn't get the user high, prompting patients who need medical marijuana to declare, ""Thank you?""
Jimmy Fallon Permalink
#Pain

I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot. And I'm your boyfriend.
Jimmy Fallon Permalink
#Cute Boyfriend

The Pentagon banned the army from using Chinese-made berets. In a more veiled slap at the Chinese, the Pentagon also banned any alternative form of checkers.
Jimmy Fallon Permalink
#Army

It makes me nervous seeing a 20-foot me, like I'm getting too big or something, ... Not that I mind being recognized. When I'm 60 I'll be begging for this.
Jimmy Fallon Permalink
#Mind

Sometimes I wish I had a terrible childhood, so that at least I«d have an excuse.
Jimmy Fallon Permalink
#Excuse

A Pennsylvania woman convicted for shoplifting was sentenced to wear a badge that reads "Convicted Shoplifter." However, her lawyers hope to plea bargain down to a bumper sticker reading "I'd Rather Be Stealing!"
Jimmy Fallon Permalink
#Lawyer

I often try to reassure myself by saying, "Well, at least it can«t get any worse." But the truth is, it always can. And that«s what really terrifies me.
Jimmy Fallon Permalink
#Truth

They say a dog is a man«s best friend.<br/>That«s if you«re lucky enough to get one of those "friendly" dogs.
Jimmy Fallon Permalink
#Dogs #Best Friends

Researches tested a new form of medical marijuana that treats pain but doesn't get the user high, prompting patients who need medical marijuana to declare, "Thank you?"
Jimmy Fallon Permalink
#American Comedian #Funny

I«m starting to think that I«m the butt of a joke the whole world is in on.
Jimmy Fallon Permalink
#Joke

Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.
Jimmy Fallon Permalink
#American Comedian #Funny

I didn't act like I was there. I just got into the story.
Jimmy Fallon Permalink
#American Comedian #Funny

I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists.
Jimmy Fallon Permalink
#American Comedian