150 Total Quotes

Jay Leno Quotes

Jay Leno
Major league baseball has asked its players to stop tossing baseballs into the stands during games, because they say fans fight over them and they get hurt. In fact, the Florida Marlins said that's why they never hit any home runs. It's a safety issue.
Jay Leno
#Baseball

Jay Leno
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
Jay Leno
#American Comedian #Quote of the Day #Doctors #Funny #Short

Jay Leno
In his speech last night, John Kerry said this was the beginning of the end of the Bush administration. I agree. Sure, it may take another five years, but this is it.
Jay Leno
#Beginning

Jay Leno
Some Democrats say the estimated $60 billion dollar cost of a war with Iraq could be better spent at home. When he heard that, President Bush agreed and announced plans to bomb Ohio.
Jay Leno
#Democrats

Jay Leno
Iraq began destroying those missiles they don't have over the weekend. See, President Bush may be the smartest military president in history. First, he gets Iraq to destroy all of their own weapons. Then he declares war.
Jay Leno
#Iraq

Jay Leno
War continues in Iraq. They're calling it Operation Iraqi Freedom. They were going to call it Operation Iraqi Liberation until they realized that spells 'OIL.'"
Jay Leno
#Freedom

Jay Leno
President Bush said for security reasons, he's sworn off all e-mail communication. He will not be using email at the White House at all. Is that a good idea? I mean, it's not like that speaking thing was working out so good.
Jay Leno
#Communication

Jay Leno
Now, I have a Halloween mask I think you might get a kick out of. That's scary.
Jay Leno
#Halloween

Jay Leno
President Bush agreed today to allow more weapons inspectors in Iraq. As I understand he has 250,000 of them ready to go.
Jay Leno
#Iraq

Jay Leno
There are reports that Saddam has been spotted in central Baghdad. Parts of him were also spotted in northern Baghdad, eastern Baghdad and western Baghdad.
Jay Leno
#Baghdad

Jay Leno
One of the interpreters hired by CBS for the Dan Rather/Saddam Hussein interview adopted a phony Arabic accent. You know, maybe CBS should have hired somebody with a fake Dan Rather accent to ask tougher questions.
Jay Leno
#Accent

Jay Leno
The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.
Jay Leno
#Funny #American Comedian

Jay Leno
According to New York publishers, Bill Clinton will get more money for his book than Hillary Clinton got for hers. Well, duh. At least his book has some sex in it.
Jay Leno
#Funny #American Comedian #Money

Jay Leno
The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it - they're the ones falling down the most.
Jay Leno
#Funny #American Comedian

Jay Leno
Plans are being discussed as to who will replace Dick Cheney if he has to resign for health reasons. It's not easy for President Bush, he can't just name a replacement. He would first have to be confirmed by the oil, gas and power companies.
Jay Leno
#Dick Cheney

Jay Leno
Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Jay Leno
#Funny #American Comedian

Jay Leno
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
Jay Leno
#Funny #American Comedian #Reason

Jay Leno
Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution.
Jay Leno
#America

Jay Leno
The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they're all lining up.
Jay Leno
#Funny