49 Total Quotes

Homer Simpson Quotes

Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
Homer Simpson
#Alcohol And Alcoholism

Olive oil ... asparagus ... if your mother wasn't so fancy, we could shop at the gas station like normal people.
Homer Simpson
#Mother

Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything. 14% of people know that.
Homer Simpson
#People

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.
Homer Simpson
#Understanding

Owww look at me Marge, I'm making people Happy! I'm the magical man, from Happy Land, who lives in a gumdrop house on Lolly Pop Lane!!!!...... By the way I was being sarcastic...
Homer Simpson
#Land

Prohibition? HA! They tried that in the movies and it didn't work
Homer Simpson
#Movie

Alright Brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you. But lets just do this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.
Homer Simpson
#Simpson

The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!
Homer Simpson
#Gambling

Carnies built this country, the carnival part of it anyway.
Homer Simpson
#Simpson

Marge! Look at all this great stuff I found at the Marina. It was just sitting in some guy's boat!
Homer Simpson
#Simpson

Relax. What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind!
Homer Simpson
#Mind

Sport, it doesn't matter whether you win or lose... It's how drunk you get.
Homer Simpson
#Alcohol And Alcoholism

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
Homer Simpson
#Problems

I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!
Homer Simpson
#Man

How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
Homer Simpson
#Education

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose; it's how drunk you get.
Homer Simpson
#Events

Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so that it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
Homer Simpson
#People

Trying is the first step to failure
Homer Simpson
#Failure

If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing.
Homer Simpson
#Worth

They have the Internet on computers, now?
Homer Simpson
#Computers

Apu I need a keg and a six pack to hold me until I tap the keg.
Homer Simpson
#Humorous

That's it, from now on I'm not looking forward to anything! Oh my god! Tomorrow there's a two for one sale on piano benches. I can't wait, ooh, ooh, ooh!
Homer Simpson
#God

Max Power—he's the man whose name you'd love to touch...But, you musn't touch!His name sounds good in your earBut when you say it, you mustn't fearBecause his name can be said by anyone!
Homer Simpson
#Love

No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed.
Homer Simpson
#Jobs

Oh..please dont eat me, I have a wife and three kids...eat them!
Homer Simpson
#Kids

That's it kids... suckle daddy's sugar ball.
Homer Simpson
#Kids

Marge: Homer! There's someone here who can help you... Homer: Is it Batman? Marge: No, he's a scientist. Homer: Batman's a scientist?! Marge: It's not Batman!
Homer Simpson
#Batman #Scientists #Homer

Max Powerhe's the man whose name you'd love to touch... But, you musn't touch! His name sounds good in your ear But when you say it, you mustn't fear Because his name can be said by anyone!
Homer Simpson
#Love