36 Total Quotes

Fred+A. Allen Quotes

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.
Fred A. Allen
#American Scientist

An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
Fred A. Allen
#American Comedian #Funny

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
Fred A. Allen
#American Comedian #Funny

My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
Fred A. Allen
#American Scientist

My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
Fred A. Allen
#American Scientist

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.
Fred A. Allen
#American Comedian #Funny #Love #Valentine's Day

All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
Fred A. Allen
#American Scientist

An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
Fred A. Allen
#American Scientist

He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
Fred A. Allen
#Dreams

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for a star.
Fred A. Allen
#American Comedian #American Scientist #Funny

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
Fred A. Allen
#American Comedian #Funny

A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 am and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 p.m. to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
Fred A. Allen
#Office

Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.
Fred A. Allen
#American Comedian #Funny

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.
Fred A. Allen
#American Comedian #Funny

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal labotomy.
Fred A. Allen
#American Comedian #Funny

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
Fred A. Allen
#American Comedian #Funny

A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Fred A. Allen
#American Scientist

A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Fred A. Allen
#American Scientist