28 Total Quotes

Florence King Quotes

People are so busy dreaming the American Dream, fantasizing about what they could be or have a right to be, that they're all asleep at the switch. Consequently we are living in the Age of Human Error.
Florence King
#American Writer

Golf is an exercise in Scottish pointlessness for people who are no longer able to throw telephone poles at each other
Florence King
#Exercise

The witty woman is a tragic figure in American life. Wit destroys eroticism and eroticism destroys wit, so women must choose between taking lovers and taking no prisoners.
Florence King
#American Writer #Life

True nostalgia is an ephemeral composition of disjointed memories
Florence King
#Memories

Any discussion of the problems of being funny in America will not make sense unless we substitute the word wit for humor. Humor inspires sympathetic good-natured laughter and is favored by the ''healing-power'' gang. Wit goes for the jugular, not the jocular, and it's the opposite of football; instead of building character, it tears it down.
Florence King
#Humorous

Now the only thing I miss about sex is the cigarette afterward. Next to the first one in the morning, it's the best one of all. It tasted so good that even if I had been frigid I would have pretended otherwise just to be able to smoke it.
Florence King
#American Writer

Golf is tiddlywinks played while standing up and and wearing a hat
Florence King
#Golf

Chinks in America's egalitarian armor are not hard to find. Democracy is the fig leaf of elitism.
Florence King
#Democracy

During the feminist seventies men were caught between a rock and a hard-on; in the fathering eighties they are caught between good hugs and bad hugs.
Florence King
#American Writer

Those colorful denizens of male despair, the Bowery bum and the rail-riding hobo, have been replaced by the bag lady and the welfare mother. Women have even taken over Skid Row.
Florence King
#Hobos

Animal rights activists gives disillusioned feminists an excuse to go back to being women protecting wee creatures without compromising their radical credentials
Florence King
#Animals

I'd rather rot on my own floor than be found by a bunch of bingo players in a nursing home.
Florence King
#American Writer

Democracy: The Crude leading the Crud
Florence King
#Democracy

Any hope that America would finally grow up vanished with the rise of fundamentalist Christianity. Fundamentalism, with its born-again regression, its pink-and-gold concept of heaven, its literal-mindedness, its rambunctious good cheer... its anti-intellectualism... its puerile hymns... and its faith-healing... are made to order for King Kid America.
Florence King
#Christianity

Showing up at school already able to read is like showing up at the undertaker's already embalmed: people start worrying about being put out of their jobs.
Florence King
#American Writer

American couples have gone to such lengths to avoid the interference of in-laws that they have to pay marriage counselors to interfere between them.
Florence King
#American Writer

Self-help books are making life downright unsafe. Women desperate to catch a man practice all the ploys recommended by these authors. Bump into him, trip over him, knock him down, spill something on him, scald him, but meet him.
Florence King
#Self-improvement

He travels fastest who travels alone, and that goes double for she. Real feminism is spinsterhood.
Florence King
#American Writer

America is not a democracy, it's an absolute monarchy ruled by King Kid. In a nation of immigrants, the child is automatically more of an American than his parents. Americans regard children as what Mr. Hudson in ''Upstairs, Downstairs'' called ''betters.'' Aping their betters, American adults do their best to turn themselves into children. Puerility exercises droit de seigneur everywhere.
Florence King
#America

Americans worship creativity the way they worship physical beauty - as a way of enjoying elitism without guilt: God did it.
Florence King
#American Writer

The vitamin has been reified. A chemical intangible originally defined as a unit of nutritive value, it was long ago reified into a pill. Now it is a pill; no one except a few precise scientists define it as anything else. Once the vitamin became a pill, it became ''real'' according to the precepts of American Cartesianism: ''I swallow it, therefore it is.''
Florence King
#Health

Owning your own home is America's unique recipe for avoiding revolution and promoting pseudo-equality at the same time. To keep citizens puttering in their yards instead of sputtering on the barricades, the government has gladly deprived itself of billions in tax revenues by letting home ''owners'' deduct mortgage interest payments.
Florence King
#Home

Time has lost all meaning in that nightmare alley of the Western world known as the American mind. We wallow in nostalgia but manage to get it all wrong. True nostalgia is an ephemeral composition of disjointed memories... but American-style nostalgia is about as ephemeral as copyrighted dTja vu.
Florence King
#Nostalgia

We want a president who is as much like an American tourist as possible. Someone with the same goofy grin, the same innocent intentions, the same naive trust; a president with no conception of foreign policy and no discernible connection to the U.S. government, whose Nice Guyism will narrow the gap between the U.S. and us until nobody can tell the difference.
Florence King
#President

True nostalgia is an ephemeral composition of disjointed memories.
Florence King
#American Writer

In social matters, pointless conventions are not merely the bee sting of etiquette, but the snake bite of moral order.
Florence King
#American Writer

Writers who have nothing to say always strain for metaphors to say it in.
Florence King
#American Writer