30 Total Quotes

Elayne Boosler Quotes

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.
Elayne Boosler
#Funny #American Comedian #Country #Quote of the Day

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Elayne Boosler
#Funny #American Comedian #Quote of the Day

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.
Elayne Boosler
#American Comedian #Funny #Mothers

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.
Elayne Boosler
#American Comedian #People #Funny

Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?
Elayne Boosler
#American Comedian #Giving #Funny

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.
Elayne Boosler
#American Comedian #Body #Funny

My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions
Elayne Boosler
#Guidance

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?
Elayne Boosler
#American Comedian #Funny

To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy.
Elayne Boosler
#American Comedian #Funny #Comedy

People are giving birth underwater now. They say it's less traumatic for the baby because it's in water. But certainly more traumatic for the other people in the pool.
Elayne Boosler
#Birth

My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.
Elayne Boosler
#American Comedian #Funny

You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot.
Elayne Boosler
#American Comedian #Funny