91 Total Quotes

Dennis Miller Quotes

Dennis Miller
There's no doubt about it, show business lures the people who didn't get enough love, attention, or approval early in life and have grown up to become bottomless, gaping vessels of terrifying, abject need. Please laugh.
Dennis Miller
#Approval

Dennis Miller
It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity.
Dennis Miller
#Funny #American Comedian

Dennis Miller
Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels.
Dennis Miller
#Funny #American Comedian #Police

Dennis Miller
Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don't find these weapons of mass destruction. It's enough for a lot of us to see those kids smiling on that street again.
Dennis Miller
#Funny #American Comedian

Dennis Miller
Technology is fine. . ., but that popular vision of the future, where you plug somebody in and leave them there and they don't get out and interact with actual flesh-and-blood humans -- you know the answer before I say it -- that's not good.
Dennis Miller
#Future

Dennis Miller
If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn't be in this problem.
Dennis Miller
#Funny #American Comedian #Terrorism

Dennis Miller
The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.
Dennis Miller
#Funny #American Comedian #Global Warming

Dennis Miller
German reunification: I view this in much the same way I view a possible Dean Martin - Jerry Lewis reconciliation: I never really enjoyed their work, and I'm not sure I need to see any of their new stuff
Dennis Miller
#Dean

Dennis Miller
A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.
Dennis Miller
#Funny #American Comedian #Police

Dennis Miller
And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For God's sake, they were blowing peoples' heads off because they put a tax on their breakfast beverage. And it wasn't even coffee.
Dennis Miller
#Fathers

Dennis Miller
There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.
Dennis Miller
#American Comedian #Funny

Dennis Miller
Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.
Dennis Miller
#American Comedian #Funny

Dennis Miller
I still feel pangs of remorse over an insidious habit I've had since I was a teenager. About three times a week, I attend estate auctions and make insulting, low-ball bids for prized heirlooms until I'm asked to leave.
Dennis Miller
#Habit

Dennis Miller
I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.
Dennis Miller
#American Comedian