14 Total Quotes
David Sedaris Quotes
Seven beers followed by two Scotches and a thimble of marijuana and it's funny how sleep comes all on it's own.
We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail.
Why refer to Lady Crack Pipe or Good Sir Dishrag when these things could never live up to all that their sex implied.
On Undecided Voter?s: "To put them in perspective, I think? of being? on an airplane.? The flight attendant comes? down the aisle? with her food cart and, eventually,? parks? it beside my seat.? “Can I inter?est you in the chick?en??†she asks.? “Or would? you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broke?n glass? in it?†To be undecided in this elect?ion is to pause? for a moment and then ask how the chick?en is cooked.
I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.
My hands tend to be full enough dealing with people who hate me for who I am. Concentrate too hard on the millions of people who hate you for what you are and you're likely to turn into one of those unkempt, sloppy dressers who sag beneath the weight of the two hundred political buttons they wear pinned to their coats and knapsacks.
It was all luck and it all started with that radio piece. If it wasn't for that, I'd probably still be cleaning apartments as a maid in New York.'
One thing about English-language bookstores in the age of Amazon is that it assumes that everybody has the Internet, ... I don't. I've never seen the Internet. I've never ordered a book on it, and I wouldn't really want to.
Underneath my window, there were huge groups of people running in the streets. They tried to overturn a car. So the woman opened her window and tried to throw water on them. So then they threw rocks up and tried to smash her windows. It was very exciting.
[I] recall thinking that the computer would never advance much further than this. Call me naïve, but I seemed to have underestimated the universal desire to sit in a hard plastic chair and stare at a screen until your eyes cross.
After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations.
They were nothing like the French people I had imagined. If anything, they were too kind, too generous and too knowledgable in the fields of plumbing and electricity.