107 Total Quotes

David Letterman Quotes

David Letterman
I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.
David Letterman
#Funny #American Comedian

David Letterman
And now the really difficult part: We have to rebuild Iraq into a strong and independent nation that will one day hate the United States.
David Letterman
#Funny #American Comedian

David Letterman
A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag.
David Letterman
#Funny #American Comedian

David Letterman
Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel.
David Letterman
#Funny #American Comedian

David Letterman
Sometimes something worth doing is worth overdoing.
David Letterman
#Quotes

David Letterman
Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.
David Letterman
#Funny #American Comedian

David Letterman
Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.
David Letterman
#Funny #American Comedian

David Letterman
The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral.
David Letterman
#Funny #American Comedian

David Letterman
Day 27 - Bush uses 70,000 gallons of fuel to fly home to deal with the oil crisis,
David Letterman
#Crisis

David Letterman
Everyone has this sense of togetherness right now. For example, one guy on the subway today, he wanted to share my pants.
David Letterman
#Example

David Letterman
President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.
David Letterman
#Funny #American Comedian

David Letterman
We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours.
David Letterman
#Funny #American Comedian

David Letterman
We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, he's also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets.
David Letterman
#Funny #American Comedian #Apology

David Letterman
There is no off position on the genius switch.
David Letterman
#Funny #American Comedian #Genius

David Letterman
I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.
David Letterman
#Funny #American Comedian

David Letterman
Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton.
David Letterman
#Funny