Dave Barry Quotes

I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person who was supposed to provide them with a melody never showed up

#Hate

I do not mean to suggest for a moment that all it takes to be a top executive is a custom-tailored European suit. You also need the correct shirt and tie.

#Executive

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.

#American Journalist #Fun

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

#American Journalist

I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.

#American Journalist #Children

Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.

#American Journalist #Causes

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.

#American Journalist

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

#American Journalist #Coffee

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.

#American Journalist #Company

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth and fresher breath.

#Guidance

It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.

#American Journalist

The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example.

#American Journalist

I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care.

#American Journalist

The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery.

#American Journalist #Democracy

What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held. What Men Want: Tickets for the world series.

#Women

There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those who have several thousand extra dollars apiece.

#Humankind #Computers

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.

#Friends Or Friendship

American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and the women's room without having little pictures on the doors.

#Business

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.

#American Journalist

The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.

#American Journalist #Age And Aging

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.

#American Journalist

We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin.

#American Journalist