64 Total Quotes

Bill Hicks Quotes

Bill Hicks
You know we armed Iraq. I wondered about that too, you know during the Persian Gulf war those intelligence reports would come out: "Iraq: incredible weapons - incredible weapons." How do you know that? "Uh, well...we looked at the receipts."
Bill Hicks
#Comedy

Bill Hicks
If you don't think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD's and burn them.
Bill Hicks
#Funny #American Comedian #Drugs

Bill Hicks
Supreme Court says pornography is anything without artistic merit that causes sexual thoughts; that's their definition, essentially. No artistic merit, causes sexual thoughts. Hmm. . . . Sounds like . . . every commercial on television, doesn't it?
Bill Hicks
#Causes

Bill Hicks
Does anyone here work in advertising or marketing? Well if you do, when you get home take a gun shoot yourself. No bullshit, I'm not joking just do it. I'm just sowing seeds, one day they may take root.
Bill Hicks
#Advertising

Bill Hicks
The musicians today who don't do drugs and in fact speak out against it? "Rock Against Drugs?" BOY do they suck.
Bill Hicks
#Drugs

Bill Hicks
I'm not really a heavy smoker any more. I only get through two lighters a day now.
Bill Hicks
#American Comedian #Funny

Bill Hicks
I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.
Bill Hicks
#American Comedian #Funny

Bill Hicks
I'll show you politics in America. Here it is, right here. 'I think the puppet on the right shares my beliefs.' 'I think the puppet on the left is more to my liking.' 'Hey, wait a minute, there's one guy holding out both puppets!'
Bill Hicks
#America

Bill Hicks
God help me. I'm so tired. I need my sleep. I make no bones about it. I need eight hours a day, and at least ten at night. . . .
Bill Hicks
#Funny

Bill Hicks
Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.
Bill Hicks
#American Comedian #Television #Funny

Bill Hicks
I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution. OK, not the most popular idea ever expressed. Either that or you're all real high and agreeing with me in the only way you can right now. (Starts blinking)
Bill Hicks
#Drugs

Bill Hicks
Life is only a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves.
Bill Hicks
#American Comedian #Funny

Bill Hicks
We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.
Bill Hicks
#American Comedian #Funny

Bill Hicks
If the FBI's motivating factor for busting down the Koresh compound was child abuse, how come we never see Bradley tanks smashing into Catholic churches?
Bill Hicks
#Abuse

Bill Hicks
I'm gonna share with you a vision that I had, cause I love you. And you feel it. You know all that money we spend on nuclear weapons and defense each year, trillions of dollars, correct? Instead -- just play with this -- if we spent that money feeding and clothing the poor of the world -- and it would pay for it many times over, not one human being excluded -- we can explore space together, both inner and outer, forever in peace. Thank you very much. You've been great, I hope you enjoyed it.
Bill Hicks
#I Love You

Bill Hicks
I'm a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.
Bill Hicks
#American Comedian #Funny

Bill Hicks
We opened in probably the worst way you can open a school.
Bill Hicks
#School

Bill Hicks
It can stay in the body for a couple of days and the pill itself can operate for nine days, ... But generally, in the case of football players, the food's going to push through more quickly. So, as a general rule, it's a 24-hour, one-day pill.
Bill Hicks
#Body

Bill Hicks
They can't easily say what they want to say in case they're deemed unpatriotic. It's all part of a fear-based hypnosis, so I was worried about how they'd take the track, but I played it when I was on tour in the US and people loved it.
Bill Hicks
#Fear

Bill Hicks
Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.
Bill Hicks
#American Comedian #Funny