5 Total Quotes

Andy Borowitz Quotes

After Sept. 11, I didn't write a piece for a couple of days because I thought people wouldn't want me to be funny. This time, it was so obvious what could be written, and I'll continue to write it. I can usually gauge reader response from the number of people who cancel on my e-mail list, and there's been no major withdrawal.
Andy Borowitz
#People

Army Offers to Pay Recruits in Gasoline.
Andy Borowitz
#Army

I feel like Cal Ripken or something, ... This insanity is all self-imposed.
Andy Borowitz
#Insanity

I think the reason that satire is on the rise is because the real news is so bad right now, ... I'd love it if we lived in a world where there was nothing to satire, but given this world, people need satire and comedy right now. ... [Humor] enables us to look at the horrible things going on and survive [them].
Andy Borowitz
#News

I am resigning effective immediately. Bo Derek will become the new vice president.
Andy Borowitz
#Vice