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FUNNY
Found 253 items. Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 >>sort by most recent | sort by highest rating
(3 votes) If eating food was one of your drugs, and not eating food was another, it would be far too easy to get high. Brandon Cummings
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(2 votes) Ask not what your country can do for you...........no, go ahead and ask.Thomas Fore
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(12 votes) There's no loyalty amongst criminals.Nicholas Spratto, Jr.
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(8 votes) The most difficult problem a person might face in his life is when his problem is his own face.A. J. Embradura
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(383 votes) You're in pretty good shape for the shape you are in.Dr. Seuss
American Writer and Cartoonist, b. 1904-1991
Submitted by: American Writer and Cartoonist, b. 1904-1991
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(377 votes) From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.Dr. Seuss
American Writer and Cartoonist, b. 1904-1991
Submitted by: American Writer and Cartoonist, b. 1904-1991
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(364 votes) The cause of global warming isn't polution, but the hot air that the accusers emit.HJN
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(364 votes) You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by the way he eats jelly beans.Ronald Reagan
40th US President, b. 1911-2004
Submitted by: 40th US President, b. 1911-2004
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(361 votes) (In a sketch on Fry and Laurie in which he, as a linguistics expert, demonstrated that words could be combined in original ways) Hold the newsreaders nose squarely, waiter, or friendly milk will countermand my trousers. Stephen Fry
British Author and Actor
Submitted by: British Author and Actor
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(356 votes) Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?Unknown Unknown
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(350 votes) Idiots can never be smart, but smart people can always be idiots.anonymous hih-larious
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(349 votes) A WIFE IS A KNIFE IN LIFEGAUTHAMAN K.S
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(345 votes) Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evilAnonymous
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(344 votes) Men who think that a woman's past love affairs lessen her love for them are usually stupid and weak. A woman can bring a new love to each man she loves, providing there are not too many.Marilyn Monroe
American Singer 1926-1962
Submitted by: American Singer 1926-1962
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(342 votes) Man will always be his own worst enemy.Mark Marro
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(340 votes) I believe if you can't say something nice about somebody, you must be talking about Hillary Clinton.Jef Foxworth
Comedian
Submitted by: Comedian
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(334 votes) He [Arthur Miller] wouldn't have married me if I had been nothing but a dumb blonde.Marilyn Monroe
American Singer 1926-1962
Submitted by: American Singer 1926-1962
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(333 votes) Of the nude pictures: Sure I posed. I needed the money.Marilyn Monroe
American Singer 1926-1962
Submitted by: American Singer 1926-1962
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(332 votes) If carrots are so good for your eyes, then why are there so many dead rabbits in the road?Anonymous
Submitted by: Anonymous
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(331 votes) Being a sex symbol is a heavy load to carry, especially when one is tired, hurt and bewildered.Marilyn Monroe
American Singer 1926-1962
Submitted by: American Singer 1926-1962
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(330 votes) If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question I've got to follow it through. What am I supposed to do - look intelligent?Marilyn Monroe
American Singer 1926-1962
Submitted by: American Singer 1926-1962
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(328 votes) Say good-bye to Pat, say good-bye to Jack and say good-bye to yourself, because you're a nice guy.Marilyn Monroe
American Singer 1926-1962
Submitted by: American Singer 1926-1962
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(327 votes) Only the public can make a star. It's the studios who try to make a system out of it.Marilyn Monroe
American Actress 1926-1962
Submitted by: American Actress 1926-1962
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(326 votes) Listen; there's a hell of a good universe next door: let's go.E. E. Cummings
Edward E. 1894-1962, American Poet
Submitted by: Edward E. 1894-1962, American Poet
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(326 votes) I've often stood silent at a party for hours listening to my movie idols turn into dull and little people.Marilyn Monroe
American Singer 1926-1962
Submitted by: American Singer 1926-1962
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(326 votes) It's not true I had nothing on, I had the radio on.Marilyn Monroe
American Singer 1926-1962
Submitted by: American Singer 1926-1962
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(325 votes) ur not funny if u cant make people laugh or screw up their faces and think, wat the heck is trying to do to us?emily ?????
Submitted by: Anonymous
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(323 votes) I'm going to be a great movie star some day.Marilyn Monroe
American Singer 1926-1962
Submitted by: American Singer 1926-1962
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(323 votes) Marriage is like a party if your not invited then you feel left out. But once your in your looking for a way to get out. TQO
True Quotes Organization
Submitted by: True Quotes Organization
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(322 votes) I've been on a calendar, but never on time.Marilyn Monroe
American Singer 1926-1962
Submitted by: American Singer 1926-1962
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(321 votes) I am invariably late for appointments ... sometimes, as much as two hours. I've tried to change my ways but the things that make me late are too strong, and too pleasing.Marilyn Monroe
American Singer 1926-1962
Submitted by: American Singer 1926-1962
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(320 votes) I knew I belonged to the public and to the world, not because I was talented or even beautiful, but because I had never belonged to anything or anyone else.Marilyn Monroe
American Actress 1926-1962
Submitted by: American Actress 1926-1962
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(319 votes) Woman are like a box of chocolate you never no what you are going to get.TQO
True Quotes Organization
Submitted by: True Quotes Organization
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(317 votes) That's the trouble, a sex symbol becomes a thing. But if I'm going to be a symbol of something, I'd rather have it sex than some other things we've got symbols of.Marilyn Monroe
American Singer 1926-1962
Submitted by: American Singer 1926-1962
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(316 votes) An old jeep, so nobody will say I'm driving a BMW anymore. I couldn't stand that BMW, ha ha ha! BMW make pure trouble!Bob Marley
1945-1981, Jamaican Musician - songwriter, guitarist & Activist
Submitted by: 1945-1981, Jamaican Musician - songwriter, guitarist & Activist
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(316 votes) I learned to walk as a baby and I haven't had a lesson since.Marilyn Monroe
American Singer 1926-1962
Submitted by: American Singer 1926-1962
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(315 votes) I used to think as I looked out on the Hollywood night, 'There must be thousands of girls sitting alone like me, dreaming of becoming a movie star. But I'm not going to worry about them. I'm dreaming the hardest.Marilyn Monroe
American Singer 1926-1962
Submitted by: American Singer 1926-1962
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(314 votes) It's woman's spirit and mood a man has to stimulate in order to make sex interesting. The real lover is the man who can thrill you by touching your head or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space.Marilyn Monroe
American Singer 1926-1962
Submitted by: American Singer 1926-1962
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(311 votes) I knew I belonged to the public and to the world, not because I was talented or even beautiful, but because I had never belonged to anything or anyone else.Marilyn Monroe
American Singer 1926-1962
Submitted by: American Singer 1926-1962
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(307 votes) I had a packet of instant water, I didn't know what to add.Stephen Wright
Comedian
Submitted by: Comedian
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(307 votes) It's better for the whole world to know you, even as a sex star, than never to be known at all.Marilyn Monroe
American Singer 1926-1962
Submitted by: American Singer 1926-1962
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(306 votes) Everyone's just laughing at me. I hate it. Big breasts, big ass, big deal, Can't I be anything else ? Gee, how long can you be sexy?Marilyn Monroe
American Singer 1926-1962
Submitted by: American Singer 1926-1962
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(306 votes) My work is the only ground I've ever had to stand on. I seem to have a whole superstructure with no foundation -- but I'm working on the foundation. Marilyn Monroe
American Singer 1926-1962
Submitted by: American Singer 1926-1962
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(306 votes) You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon.Chris Rock
Comedian
Submitted by: Comedian
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(305 votes) Husbands are chiefly good as lovers when they are betraying their wives.Marilyn Monroe
American Singer 1926-1962
Submitted by: American Singer 1926-1962
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(299 votes) Bob Marley isn't my name. I don't even know my name yet Bob Marley
1945-1981, Jamaican Musician - songwriter, guitarist & Activist
Submitted by: 1945-1981, Jamaican Musician - songwriter, guitarist & Activist
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(299 votes) life is a trip carry band-aidscrystal saff
young and old
Submitted by: young and old
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(299 votes) It stirs up envy, fame does. People...feel fame gives them some kind of privilege to walk up to you and say anything to you--and it won't hurt your feelings--like it's happening to your clothing.Marilyn Monroe
American Actress 1926-1962
Submitted by: American Actress 1926-1962
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(296 votes) I don't want to play sex roles any more. I'm tired of being known as the girl with the shape.Marilyn Monroe
American Actress 1926-1962
Submitted by: American Actress 1926-1962
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(289 votes) With fame, you know, you can read about yourself, somebody else's ideas about you, but what's important is how you feel about yourself--for survival and living day to day with what comes up.Marilyn Monroe
American Actress 1926-1962
Submitted by: American Actress 1926-1962
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